Why I Feel Insecure In New Relationships

Abduljabbar Ramadhan Ali
5 min readAug 18, 2020

Relationships, have a wide definition. Especially when it is between couples. Everyone has their own understanding of what relationship is all about. This is the part where the feeling of being insecure in the new relationship comes in.

When we get into relationship we usually have a new expectations. These expectations that we have are supposed to be different from the ones we had in our last relationship that never worked out. We make so much effort into this new relationship so that the person we are in contact with to see the part that your ex never saw. By doing this, you expect that everything will be different in this relationship and you will be living in earth-paradise.

When we make much effort so that the other person that we are in touch with to recognise it and he or she recognises it, this makes us feel relieved and grateful that things are going work out the way we expected. When it turns to be that the person is ignoring it, we start to question ourselves. where did I go wrong? In this case we will start to feel insecure in the relationship we are in. This happens because you will feel that the person you are in love with, is not trying anything to please you or recognise the effort you are putting into the relationship.

In new relationship this happens so many times, not only the new relationships but also in the relationships that have been existing without the boundaries of trust. When you get into a new relationship the first thing that will make you feel insecure is the previous heart breaks that you went through. You will be so much afraid and so cautious not to love anyone that easily until you realise that you aren’t in a wrong path. I get the feeling too.

How can I trust her. She says she loves me, but isn’t it what she also told me when we met? How can I be sure that she is truly in love with me? Does she mean it? She seems so much into me but for sure I can’t be certain that she really does love me.

You get the above feeling. This is enough to make one feel insecure. I want to tell you that this feeling is worse. Having someone you aren’t comfortable with your feelings. This is just enough to make your life pretty bad when it comes to your love life.

The relationships that exist without a trust, these are the other things that makes one feel insecure in a relationship. It is very hard to give so much to someone whom you don’t trust that much. It’s even harder to be open enough about your feelings to him or her. This is because you do not trust him or her. Let me just be honest, if there is no trust in relationship then definitely it is so hard to find love and comfort in it. No one will be willing to go an extra mile to make something better happen in the relationship.

If no one is willing to make a move then how do you expect the relationship to be? You have to know a better relationship involves both parties to be completely involved in it, if one part only is making a move then we cannot call that a relationship. That will be a parasitic relationship. No one wants that kind of a relationship. Trust can make a you feel secure or insecure. The moment you trust someone to the fullest you will never feel any doubt of letting yourself into them completely. You will have enough confidence in them that even if I go over the cliff this person will be ready to hold my hand when I’m about to fall.

Trust means so much in a relationship and it plays a big role when it comes to this feeling of being insecure or secured. So, if your relationship isn’t build on trust it is by no doubt that you will always feel insecure. This can be a major cause of why people cheat in relationships. Do whenever you can to make trust the first foundation of your relationship if you want to make it flourish. This will bring happiness in your relationship. You will always feel safe no matter where you are with him or her.

I want to make her happy. I just want to be alone with her. She means so much to me. I really don’t know if she trusts me the way I do. What does she think of me? Would she go off the edge for my cause? Would she be there for me in my worst situation? I have to be certain that if I make an extra move in this relationship she will be willing to make it too.

This a feeling that I usually have. You have to know that relationship is all about sacrifices that we make for one another. If he or she isn’t ready to make a sacrifice for you, then he or she isn’t ready to be in relationship with you. Sacrifice can be time, actions or anything that is meaningful to him or her. All this can happen if there is existence of trust. Thus the feeling of insecure might fade away.

Feeling insecure in a new relationship or old relationship is also connected to our own self-esteem. If you have a low self-esteem of how you feel about yourself it can make you to feel so much insecure. Let me give you an explanation.

For instance, I don’t think I’m so handsome. I just have a low opinion of myself. I don’t feel she deserves to be with me. This will make me feel insecure. Whenever I see her talking or greeting someone else this will make me feel that she flatters with him because he is cute and I’m not. Every small mistakes that she will make when I’m with her, I will just feel it’s because she doesn’t find me attractive.

This kind of a feeling that is brought by a negative view of your own self can be a very thing that will bring insecure feelings in your relationship. Once its creep in your relationship then you will never be safe from feeling insecure.

To conclude, if you want to avoid this feeling of insecure in your relationship, whether it’s a new relationship or an existing one. You have to have a positive view of your own being, have trust for your partner and be open and ready for change. Leave your past issues to the past and focus on what you have now. Not all people we get into relationships with will act as our previous lovers. People are different and everyone has his or her own way to love. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Everything will work on fine.

If you need anyone to talk to, I’m available. I have no much experience in relationships issues but what I have been through it’s enough to help anyone having an issue regarding relationships.

My previous post about relationship you may like.

Originally published at https://www.lifeisme.website.



Abduljabbar Ramadhan Ali

Hello, I'm Abduljabar from Mombasa, Kenya. I'm a passionate blogger and a friendly man. Here is my blogs herbeautyonly.blogspot.com (Her Beauty)