How to Know if Someone is Using You (Solutions Outlined)

Abduljabbar Ramadhan Ali
12 min readJan 10, 2021

How can you know someone is using you? How can you deal with these manipulative people? I have all the answers you need in this article. Stick with me.

People can manipulate you in different areas. In most cases, the people who are using you are usually the closest people you know. These are the same people you trust with all your heart. It’s very rare for a person from far away to start using you.

The people we open our hearts and doors to let them fully in are the ones who have a great chance of using us. The good examples of these people are your families, friends, and lover. These are the most people who have the chance of using you without noticing.

I can tell you that it’s very important to trust someone but not that deep. Sometimes trust is the thing that keeps us living a life that we keep regretting. Simple because we trusted the wrong person. I really have this weakness. I trust easily even after I have been hurt I really don’t know.

You might like this: How to start to live again without regrets.

You might like this: 5 ways to gain someone’s trust and 5 reason why it’s hard to trust people again

The people who are close to us are the ones that have an idea of our faults. Some instead of helping you improve on your weaknesses they will use them to exploit you. Don’t get surprised, this is the current world. Everyone is searching for a way to fulfill his or her needs.

Humanity nowadays is no longer their concern. Your own brother or sister can stab you in the back without you noticing. This means that everyone nowadays only cares about himself or herself. So, people will use you to get what they want that is why you have to know how these people are using you.

You will know someone is using you by the following things;

1. He/she only call you when she or he needs something from you.

This is the first way you will identify a person who uses you. She or he will only call when she or he needs something from you. You will never hear from him or her for a very long period of time. She or he won’t even bother to text you and say “hi”.

When she or he has a problem is you will see his or her call on your phone. The bad thing is that he or she can just tell you his or her problem without wanting to know how you have been. She or he will drop every kind of problem she or he has.

That person won’t care how you are going to help him or her with his or her problem. The only thing that will be bothering him or her is solving his or her problem. The funny thing is that you may even not owe him or hear anything.

The way she or he will be asking for your help, you will eventually get surprised. These are the kind of people who are using you. You should filter such kinds of people in your life. Keep the people who only care about you, people who are always there for you no matter their circumstances.

There is no need to have thousands of friends in your life yet only one hundred are the ones keeping in touch with you. Drop the nine hundred friends; they are just a burden in your life. You better have few friends but helpful not only using you.

2. He/she will ask for favors but if you ask you won’t get any.

After you have gone far to find a way to help him or her with his or her problem she or he will eventually leave you stranded. The moment when you come forth with your problems he or she will never offer any way to help you find the solutions to your problem.

She or he will claim that he has no idea how to solve your problem. In a real sense, he or she has the full potential to help you solve your problem. This is an indication that that person is using you. These are the kind of people who leave you to burn on your own problems while they walk happily to on your efforts.

This is so painful. Imagine offering all of the energy you had to help someone who was completely stuck in the mud, and when it’s time for him or her to pull you from that mud he or she leaves you there yet she or he has the ability to do so.

Sometimes I don’t blame people who turn out to be bad-hearted. This situation can surely turn someone from being a human to a monster. All this is because of what has happened to him or her. If it were you who were left in the mud by a person you aided will you ever help anyone who has stuck in the mud again?

This is a great example for those people who ask for your favor but won’t dare to return the favor when you are in need of it. Someone with this kind of trait is definitely using you. Don’t give him/her a favor of using you. He or she will exploit you to your death, and there is nothing good you will get from it other than pain.

He/she will never be grateful for any help you will offer.

This is another way you will notice if someone is using you. This person who you have been working yourself out to help he/her will never be thankful for all the good things you did to her or him. We usually expect people to be thankful after we have aided them in their worst situations.

This is completely opposite to the people who are only there to manipulate you. The only thing they will care about is asking how you did that and concluding that it was an easy task. Why didn’t they ask themselves why they called you instead of doing it themselves?

This is a good example of the people who are using you. They have this pride within them that will never fade. They usually feel that they are better than you. That is why they find it very hard to humble themselves before you and thank you for the amazing things you did for them.

These are the kind of people we should stay far away from. If they can’t even say thank you for the things you did to them, how sure are you will they not harm your life? They find you nothing before them-a useless human being. Do you think they will hesitate to destroy your life? Definitely, no.

He/she will always use your weaknesses to manipulate you.

This is the person who will do everything he or she can use your weaknesses to get what he or she wants from you. We all know that there is a mechanism that people develop when they find out that they are being used.

When you start fighting them not to use you, they will pick things that you are vulnerable to. They will use your weaknesses to manipulate you. That person will never care about ethics or any principles that are to be followed as long as he or she gets what she wants.

This is clear that this person is using you. No matter what he or she will tell you just get to know that she is using you. A person who really cares about will never use your weaknesses to exploit you. These are people who are far away from being considered human.

I believe a person who is a human and cares about anyone’s feelings will never use this tactic to manipulate a person. First of all, no one should manipulate another person at all. That is considered being inhumane. When a person reaches this stage is far away from the line of morality.

This is a person who will never care about you. What he or she will only care about is only getting what she or he wants.

Let me start by talking about friends. A friend will never about you, he or she will be there for you when she or needs something from you. When you are heartbroken he or she won’t care. She or he won’t be there to console you. You will always be there for him or her when she or he has a problem.

When you present yourself before him or her to help him or her with the problems she or he has he/she will welcome you warmly. This is because he or she knows that she/he is going to benefit from you. The moment when you are done checking on her/she that person will never bother even to look at you.

If you have your issues, you will have to go with them unsolved. This is because the only person he or she cares about is himself or herself. Everything is only about them. This will clearly show you that that person is using you.

When we come on the relationship side, you will know when your partner is using you when he or she only gets focused on you when he or she wants something from you. Let us say when her/his sexual desires are at the top.

He/she will only be there claiming he or she needs you, but the moment when he or she gets her or his sexual desires fulfilled she or he will walk away leaving you in the state she or he found you in. She or he will not even dare to stay for a second and give you his or her attention.

This should give you a clear message that that person is only using you. I earlier talked of the closest people, the ones we trust are the ones having a high chance of using us. These are the friends and lovers we keep tight and close in our lives.

How to deal with people who use you.

You have to find a way to deal with these people who have the habit of using before it’s too late. A person using you for their personal gain is unhealthy. No one deserves to be used like an apiece of an object. Everyone deserves a better life free from manipulation.

These are the ways on how one can deal with this manipulation;

This is the first step anyone should take when a person is around people who are using him or her. Cut the connections with these kinds of people completely. Stay away from them. No one deserves to be surrounded by people whose intentions are only to use him or her.

This is one of the ways to cut off these people from your life. I know it may be hard to cut off people from your life. This is because you will be all alone. Being lonely is something that is very hard to bear.

You have to understand for you to have a positive lifestyle and surrounded by amazing people you will have to do this. This is the only way you can guarantee yourself to be free from these manipulative people.

Using the ways I have shared with you, you can identify these people in your life and start by filtering them gradually.

The problem will come in when these people who are manipulating are the closest people you have ever had. Cutting them off will be a problem but this shouldn’t prevent you from doing the right thing. You will have to be independent and start your own life far away from them.

If you have the ability to make your own decisions then this shouldn’t bother you at all.

Don’t welcome people in your life who seem to have different agendas than friendship.

You should never welcome people who seem to have different agendas in your life. These are the people who come from nowhere and pretend to care so much about your life. They will even try to convince you to befriend them so that you both benefit mutually from the friendship.

When such kinds of people approach you the best thing to do is to stay away from them. Don’t give them a chance to know you. These are the same people who want to get knowledge of your life so that they can get the weaknesses and the strength you have.

They will eventually use the weaknesses to manipulate you. It’s very important to check the background of a person and observe him or her completely before welcoming him or her into your life. After all, it’s not a must you admit anyone you meet in your life.

Let people call you mean and arrogant but you have a clear idea of what you are doing. This is because you know what is best for your life than they do. It’s your lifestyle, so let no one teach you how to handle it.

Choose carefully the people you want to interact with.

This now goes to the people you choose to interact with in your daily life. You should always choose wisely the people you choose to involve in your life. This is because the people you interact with are the ones that have a chance of being your friends.

So, if you choose them carefully on the criteria that favor the lifestyle you have chosen to live then you will eventually have amazing people in your life. Everything starts here at the point of interaction. Don’t let their charm fool you. You don’t want to end up with manipulative people in your life.

You have to know that these people who are manipulative will never have a mark on their foreheads. They will be the coolest people at first. They always like to make a positive impression. Everything about them may seem perfect before you.

The truth is that they are looking for a way to lure you into their trap. You should choose carefully before you end up with burdens in your life instead of blessings. You should observe every detail of the people you interact with before you get yourselves people who only care about their interests.

Keep close to the people who are always close to you.

This is the way that will help you to filter the people who are exploitative. The people, who are constantly in touch with you, are the only ones you should keep in a closed circle. The rest who are always silent keep them far away from your circle.

This will aid you in choosing the people in your life hence ensuring the manipulative people are very far from you. It will be helpful if you pin them on your list of immediate contacts. This is because they are the only people who can work out themselves to help you.

For those who are rarely conversing with you keep them in a different list. Those are good examples of people who will only reach out to you when they have problems. In doing so, you will have managed to filter these people who may be only using you for their own benefits.

5. Don’t talk to them.

This may sound weird but it’s the right way to do it. When you realize that someone is suing you after cutting them off then promise yourself never to talk with them again. This might be hard when you still care about them.

No matter how bad people may be to you, they will always have a positive side. So when you want to do this you have to make up your mind and look forward and never to let your feelings overwhelmed you.

This will be one of the ways on how you can deal with these manipulative people. You will only be able to do this when you admit that they aren’t the right people for you. You deserve people who will be on every side of your life.

People who you know will never let you on the dark side when they have the opportunity to aid you with a spark of hope in your life. These are the only people you should talk to. Never accept to be manipulated-there is more to life than just living for people to exploit you.

To summarize, I hope by now you have known all the things that if you notice on someone you will realize that he or she is using you. I have also outlined for you how to deal with people who are manipulative; you should definitely find a problem when it comes to this by now.

You also have to know that not all signs I have shared with you will convey that someone is using you are logic. This can be a good example-not all people who stay out of touch with you and come back later means that they want to use you.

There might be many circumstances as to why this might have happened. Don’t judge quickly without considering all the factors that may show that she or he using you.

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Originally published at on January 10, 2021.



Abduljabbar Ramadhan Ali

Hello, I'm Abduljabar from Mombasa, Kenya. I'm a passionate blogger and a friendly man. Here is my blogs (Her Beauty)